I've been wanting to sit down and write here for ages now, but the timing has never quite been right. Mostly because with two little munchkins in my life, I don't have as much time to sit down and thoughtfully write out a blog post. :)
It's been a crazy whirlwind of ups and downs adjusting to life with two little ones. Mostly good, but there have definitely been a few, okay, a lot of times when I've felt like a complete failure as a mom, as I lose my patience yet again with my little one year old, and collapse gratefully on the couch when they're both napping. I can see a lot of personal growth happening as my children grow up. :P
It's amazing how things change when you have children. I say children, plural, because when you have just one, it really doesn't slow you down all that much. There are slight adjustments to be made, of course, but nothing too huge. At least, I didn't find it that way. However, two children, when one is a little baby, and the other is just gaining confidence to walk, is another story.
For instance, a few days ago, I decided to go grocery shopping (first time with two babies!). I made my decision to go in the morning, thinking that would work better for my day....two and a half hours later, we were all walking/being carried out the door! There are so many little things, extra laundry, nursing, snacks, diapers to change, floors to wash and sweep repeatedly, dishes to wash....all things that are involved in being a mom. And honestly, I really love it! Not all the time, but there are so many times that I take a step back, look at my two darlings, and am just so grateful that I can be at home with them, instead of being compelled by circumstances to work away from home, and spend significantly less time with them!
I also have a lot of times of wondering, "Does my life count? Am I really doing something that is good, and useful? Should I be doing more?" Self doubting seems to come so naturally, especially as I begin to think deeper about things, and question why I do what I do, and why I think what I think. Part of me wants to just turn off the questions, and relax back into comfortable, blissful ignorance. But another part of me cannot let that happen. I'm so desperate to really live life! I want to fill my life up with things that matter, things that will last, that will count for something! Not everything feels significant in and of itself, but I feel like I'm very gradually grasping an idea of what counts, and what doesn't.
I don't always have the time to sit and just really deeply think about issues. There are so many "practical, every day" things that need to be done on a consistent basis. I have a really bad habit of separating my spiritual life from my physical life, and then getting discouraged when I have an extremely busy day, just looking after my family and my home, and don't have the time, energy or brain space to sit down and study my Bible. Not that that is an excuse to not read and study, but I'm learning that this is a season in my life where I'm busier with babies than I will be later on, and sometimes you just have to snatch moments as they become available, rather than having a set time for "quiet time" and then never actually doing it, because you were too busy changing diapers or doing laundry.
I'm trying to think of a cohesive way to finish this off, but it would seem that my brain has moved on to other things, so I will just say....until next time! Thanks for reading! :)