Friday, August 26, 2011

In All Honesty

I was thinking this morning about the difference between guilt and pride.  Obviously, these aren't really that similar, and you'd have to be a little dense to mix them up on a frequent basis, but as I looked over some of my thought processes during the past several months, I had the suspicion that I might have been doing just that.
I've had so many times lately where I've felt overwhelmed by life, and then immediately felt guilty that I couldn't handle it.  I've been getting exhausted so quickly with this pregnancy, especially in the last trimester, and sometimes even to do the bare minimum of keeping the house clean, making meals, looking after Ian, has seemed like a huge task, not to mention the things that I want to be doing regularly, like working out, organizing, going the extra mile to make meals exciting and delicious, and more.
My mind goes often to the other ladies I know who have three or more small children, and bigger and harder things to deal with on a regular basis, and I feel so wrong for even thinking complaining thoughts, let alone sharing that I'm having a hard time.  I honestly thought it was guilt, but I was realizing today that maybe it's more pride than guilt.  
I want to be "that amazing mom" who can do anything, who is phased by nothing, and who is an inspiration to all around. :P  Well, guess what? I'm not.  Some days I'm like that, and other days, the thought of getting out of bed makes me want to cry, sometimes I really do cry. :P
One thing that helps overcome pride, is to accept help when it's offered.  You're no good to anyone if you completely burn yourself out simply because your pride wouldn't allow you to accept offered help.   In fact, the reason that I have a chunk of time, and fairly clear brain to write right now is because help was offered, and I accepted it.  My husband saw that I was exhausted and overwhelmed today, before the day had really started, and arranged for his mom to watch Ian for me so I could sleep, and catch up on things.  I am so incredibly blessed by the people around me, and by their willingness to help!  It's amazing what a gift one day can be!  I already feel so rejuvenated and ready to tackle more things today than I even wanted to think about this morning!
One of the ironic things about this whole guilt vs. pride issue, is that when I think I'm feeling guilty about not accomplishing as much as I'd like, or not being "superwoman", it soothes my pride, and makes me feel like I'm a pretty decent person, because even though I can't do all those things, at least I want to, and that alone makes me just a little better than the person with no ambition, right? :P  


  1. Good thoughts Caleigh! I can relate completely. Moms of small children struggle with identity in relation to how well we keep our homes. I know I do. I have a vision of this perfect woman in my head. Often we look to the proverbs 31 woman as an inspiration, but she had maids to help her. So yes, it is important to accept help. In the end though, it's good to keep in mind that the thing children will remember most is how much we loved them and made home a place of peace. A joyful mommy is the best mommy! God bless you!

  2. Wow. Thanks Anne-girl. I needed this . . . and will have to muse deeper about it. Yep, I want this to change me, the way I think, and do life.

  3. Your a very precious young women to admit this when so many of us won't allow ourselves to..Praise the Lord for you sharing your heart Caleigh and letting others know it's okay and through this the Lord does carry us, by bringing an awesome husband like you have to SEE what you are going through and act upon it..what an awesome testimony to a wonderful marriage and how Christ leads you both. Real people, Real couple with a very real Father our God and Saviour :)

  4. Thank you all so much for your encouraging comments!
    It means so much to me to come and read what you thought. :)

  5. You know the chocolate you gave to Hannah after having little baby Reuben the other day? Her comment was..."Wow, Caleigh really knows what a new mommy needs!" Then she started in on it!
    Take some of your own good medicine here and indulge in some good chocolate! :), a good book whenever possible, of course take one day at a time, and only do the next thing........not the next one hundred things. Do not be too hard on yourself Caleigh.
    Ian looks so adorable in the pictures you have posted....can"t wait to see your new little bundle. Keep looking up. Praying for you guys, Aunty Marion.

  6. I'm so glad Hannah enjoyed the chocolate! I know I enjoyed things like that so much more after I had Ian, and I think it's an essential part of the recovery process. :)
    Thanks again for the lovely corn you sent our way! We ate some of it fresh, and I just got the rest into the freezer yesterday, it's such a treat to have it!