I was thinking this morning about the difference between guilt and pride. Obviously, these aren't really that similar, and you'd have to be a little dense to mix them up on a frequent basis, but as I looked over some of my thought processes during the past several months, I had the suspicion that I might have been doing just that.
I've had so many times lately where I've felt overwhelmed by life, and then immediately felt guilty that I couldn't handle it. I've been getting exhausted so quickly with this pregnancy, especially in the last trimester, and sometimes even to do the bare minimum of keeping the house clean, making meals, looking after Ian, has seemed like a huge task, not to mention the things that I want to be doing regularly, like working out, organizing, going the extra mile to make meals exciting and delicious, and more.
My mind goes often to the other ladies I know who have three or more small children, and bigger and harder things to deal with on a regular basis, and I feel so wrong for even thinking complaining thoughts, let alone sharing that I'm having a hard time. I honestly thought it was guilt, but I was realizing today that maybe it's more pride than guilt.
I want to be "that amazing mom" who can do anything, who is phased by nothing, and who is an inspiration to all around. :P Well, guess what? I'm not. Some days I'm like that, and other days, the thought of getting out of bed makes me want to cry, sometimes I really do cry. :P
One thing that helps overcome pride, is to accept help when it's offered. You're no good to anyone if you completely burn yourself out simply because your pride wouldn't allow you to accept offered help. In fact, the reason that I have a chunk of time, and fairly clear brain to write right now is because help was offered, and I accepted it. My husband saw that I was exhausted and overwhelmed today, before the day had really started, and arranged for his mom to watch Ian for me so I could sleep, and catch up on things. I am so incredibly blessed by the people around me, and by their willingness to help! It's amazing what a gift one day can be! I already feel so rejuvenated and ready to tackle more things today than I even wanted to think about this morning!
One of the ironic things about this whole guilt vs. pride issue, is that when I think I'm feeling guilty about not accomplishing as much as I'd like, or not being "superwoman", it soothes my pride, and makes me feel like I'm a pretty decent person, because even though I can't do all those things, at least I want to, and that alone makes me just a little better than the person with no ambition, right? :P